The Rip by Portishead

“The Rip” by Portishead came out in April 2008 — the same month I had my first grand mal seizure. Actually, at that time we didn’t know it was a seizure. I was home alone and had no memory of why I awoke on the tile of the bathroom floor with chipped front teeth and a black eye. The doctor thought I may have had a heart attack, so I wore a loop recorder for two weeks. No problem registered, so we dismissed the event as one time only. (The next grand mal seizure happened in October 2009 with many witnesses on the subway. Mystery solved.)

Back then, I was listening to this song over and over because it was so in line with the feelings in my heart. I came across it this week after a long time and realised that with brain surgery, I am once again in such a state. In my mind, there is this sweet light that sees all the beauty just beneath everything we perceive as life. Yet still, at times, there are shadows that come and I am so sad.



As she walks in the room, scented and tall
Hesitating once more
And as I take on myself and the bitterness I felt
Realize that love flows

Wild white horses, they will take me away
And the tenderness I feel
Will send the dark underneath
Will I follow?

Through the glory of life I will scatter on the floor
Disappointed and sore
And in my thoughts I have bled for the riddles I’ve been fed
Another lie moves over

Wild white horses, they will take me away
And the tenderness I feel
Will send the dark underneath
Will I follow?

Wild white horses, they will take me away
And the tenderness I feel
Will send the dark underneath
Will I follow?

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Hivemind – dubstep

This song is about the strange feeling some epileptic seizures have where there is panic and anxiety within and yet there is also a sense of a greater union with all that is. Like how a hive of bees works together.

I’m trying to learn how to create dubstep and this is my first try. There is a long way to go! Please – all thoughts and ideas most welcome. :) My approach is to create the track and then play my flute above it — a joining of electronic and natural.

Deep gratitude to two friends for all their guidance: dBNAIR (who is an amazing singer) and Laurence Stevenson (who is an amazing violin player).

The bee sounds are from some hives I help take care of at the Amma Canada Centre in Georgetown, Ontario, as well as a beautiful recording by Benboncan. Thanks also to luketande for a great bass line.

The picture is of a bee who rested on me for almost half an hour while I took care of her hive.

* subtlebeing on soundcloud